26 weeks

Chai Baby (Charliecat) had a new post about Surrogacy Pains. I realized that I have never really written our story, our background, our fears and pains.

Our children, 22 yr old Daughter, 20 yr old Son and 17 yr old Son have known what we've been up to since the beginning. In fact we have talked about expanding our family for just over 3 yrs with them. They had questions, fears and then excitement. No one else in our families knew what we were planning , the fears that I had about using a donor and having babies at our ages and the reactions of family and friends overwhelmed me. There were months of going back and forth about when to tell, how to tell, who to tell. We decided we would tell when we were 30 weeks along, that way if there were poor reactions we would not have to deal with them for very long, and ultimately everyone loves babies..... So we thought they can deal with their issues and then once the babies were here we could all celebrate our love for them.

One day at 10 weeks I was bursting at the seams and told my sister, who surprised me with support. I thought, well, that went well...... at 12 weeks my 17yr old son was bursting at the seams and wanted to tell someone, so we told him to go tell my mother, his grandmother. There was shock, surprise, disbelief and then wild amounts of love and support. Now at 26 weeks there is knitting! We followed with telling the rest of the family. All asking certain questions, but respecting our decisions. Most common quotes and questions; "Good for you; I certainly would never do it again...." Or "Why would you want to start over again at your age?"

No one can understand how much I miss having small children in the house. No one can understand how much I miss being needed by a helpless little wonder. No one can understand how I can miss sleepless nights, breastfeeding, attachment parenting. No one can understand how I can miss celebrating all the milestones. No one can understand how I can miss all the toys and mess . No one can understand how I can miss the school years and being present at functions with my kids. No one can understand how I can go through teen years again. ( well, I am not missing that one so much) But I can do it!

At 26 weeks, all I feel from family and friends is love and support. Nothing more, nothing less.

All I wish for the rest of this pregnancy is happiness and health to our surrogate and babies. That my fears about the babies health come and go like a roller coaster, but understand everyone feels this way. That I have to surrender and find peace for all the things I can not control.

Things I can control: Getting our Indian Visa
Booking Flights and knowing we may need to change them
Booking Accommodations, again knowing we may need to change them.
DNA Test kit Set up
Maternity leave
Setting up a room in the house for my 22 yr old Daughter and her Fiance to live in. They are moving back from Australia to be with us when the babies come home.

Life is good.....